Friday, June 26, 2009

La vida es sueño

I had a very vivid dream Wednesday night.

I don't often remember my dreams, or even that I have had them (though I know, intellectually, that people *must* dream or else they become very emotionally ill).

But Thursday morning I awoke with the clear knowledge that I'd had a drinking dream.

They don't happen to me very often (that I know of), and I've not remembered having one for many, many years. But it was clearly a dream about drinking. About *me* drinking.

Or at least pouring out lots of drinks for myself, knowing that I wasn't going to drink them. Well, at least knowing it would not be a good thing to drink them.

But there was some very present necessity to be pouring them out for myself.

Very odd. And slightly disturbing.

The first time I had a drinking dream was many, many, many years ago. I don't remember much about that particular dream now, except that I awoke not really knowing whether I'd had a slip. Unlike this latest, in that one so long ago, I definitely *was* drinking in that dream. Back then it was terrifying to me.

Fortunately, I knew someone named Gil who had been sober at that point for probably a dozen years. He went to a lot of AA and Al-Anon meetings (his wife Dorothy got him hooked on Al-Anon; he would tell people, "Al-Anon is advanced recovery for an alcoholic").

I spoke with Gil one Wednesday night after he'd been to his 'home group' meeting at Cranbrook (in a very tony suburb of Detroit -- yes, there are some!). I was pretty rattled by the experience, and he listened patiently as I told him what had happened in the dream, and what I'd felt when I'd awakened.

He smiled. He told me that he'd had drinking dreams, too.

And that only sober people have drinking dreams.

I'm grateful to be sober today.

Blessings and peace to one and all,

Fr. Tim, SJ


Anonymous said...

Fr Tim,
I understand you may be en route. You are in our prayers. Thank you again for your service. While I know you consider that you are an unlikely one to serve, I am also sure that you are exactly where God wants you right now. Again, thank you for your service to our country and to the men and women you have counseled in the US Army.
God bless you in your sobriety.
Mike L. (Lt Col, USAF Ret)

Anonymous said...

dear tim, thanks for living your truth which continues to be such an inspiration. erik

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