Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Disappointment with self

There were many occasions over the past couple of weeks when Soldiers from my unit received recognition in one form or another. The Commanding General came to our TOC (tactical operations center) to award Meritorious Service Medals to most of the Battalion Staff (Officers and NCOs). The Battalion Commander presented a few of those himself to others in the Battalion, as well as Army Commendation Medals or Army Achievement Medals.

The Deputy Commander - Movement came to visit, along with the Command Sergeant Major, and presented the General's Coin to many of our Soldiers.

Everyone in Headquarters and Headquarters Company (HHC) who did not receive a special medal was handed a Certificate of Appreciation by the Company Commander.

The Battalion Commander presented his Battalion Deployment Coin to selected individuals.

In short, everyone on the Battalion Staff (Officers and NCOs) was recognized publicly by the awarding of some special medal or other, and everyone in HHC received at least a Certificate.

Except me.

Brigade disapproved whatever award I'd been put in for (presumably because I'll receive something later), so as a consequence, I received no public recognition by the Battalion at all.


Now I know this stuff is not about the shiny things. I get that, and I'm certainly not in it for ribbons and medals and such. Quite frankly, I feel disappointed in myself that I had the reaction that I did to this turn of events.

I guess it's all part of the grief I feel at my best friends from this deployment -- my whole unit -- leaving, while I'm staying behind.

Blessings and peace to one and all,

Fr. Tim, SJ
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seg said...

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You weren't wrong to expect something. You worked hard for it and you honestly loved your troops. Unfortunately the military isn't big on rewarding those attributes. Yes the mature way to think about it is what you are doing. Yes, you should be glad you are there doing God's work and you have changed so many lives, and they are lucky to have you. Those thoughts don't lessen the pain of the disappointment. What helps me is the constant thought I read once: "Nobody owes you anything". With this thought in mind, there a lot of blessings in every day life. The smile from a friend, the touch of a loved one, the nice conversation from a clerk at the store. These are all blessings. They are not awards from some big-ass general. Those blessings are better and worth more.
Buck up old man----you are still number one in our book. And remember "Nobody owes you anything"

Unknown said...

SERIOUSLY?????? Once again the I got Mine BDE have succeeded in their mission to disappoint me continuously.


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